This Week on The Ellen Show! August 30-September 3

Monday, August 30

SHARON OSBOURNE

Whoever wins “America’s Got Talent” will need SHARON OSBOURNE to like them! As one of the judges, her opinion is worth a lot — a million dollars, to be exact! Her brutally honest comments might not go so well with some of the contestants, but always make for a good interview! Then, Ellen held her when she was 2 days old, now she’s becoming a movie star! The daughter of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore, RUMER WILLIS, is here to tell Ellen all about her latest movie. Ellen hears Rumer was so good at screaming, she freaked out some of the film crew! Maybe Ellen will see how her crew holds up…

Tuesday, August 31

QUEEN LATIFAH

Ellen loves her so much — QUEEN LATIFAH is on the show today! She’s always up for a game… one time it involved kazoos! (She sure knows how to play one!) Maybe Ellen will create a game with kazoos and blindfolds just for her! Queen returned to her hip-hop roots with her latest album, “Persona,” and she’s here to perform one of the songs, “Cue the Rain”!

Wednesday, September 1

JENNIFER ANISTON

JENNIFER ANISTON was the very first guest Ellen had on the show — now she’s coming back! Jennifer was in the movie “Love Happens,” so naturally Ellen will see if any love is happening in her life! If not, the last time Jen was on she made a few comments about one of Ellen’s staff members… maybe Ellen will make that work out! Then, it’s their first time on the show and Ellen can’t wait, DAVE MATTHEWS BAND is here! They’ll be performing “You and Me” from their #1 album “Big Whiskey and the GrooGrux King.” Since it’s their first time here, Ellen will find a way to make their performance extra-special!

Thursday, September 2

VINCE VAUGHN

We don’t know what it is about VINCE VAUGHN, but no matter what he’s talking about — it’s hilarious! You’ll see for yourself when he’s on the show today! Vince was in the hilarious movie “Couples Retreat,” and speaking of couples, he’s gonna tell Ellen about his engagement! They’ll also play his favorite game: Humdinger — he’s good at guessing, but can he hum too? And you know SCARLETT JOHANSSON is a great actress, but did you know she is also an amazing singer? She’s teamed with PETE YORN for her second album called ”Break Up,“ and the two will perform their song “Relator.”

It will be their first time performing on TV — and it’s right here on the show! Ellen also found another batch of Hidden Audience Talents and they might be the greatest so far (and you thought the guy who could kick himself in the forehead 25 times was the best!).

Friday, September 3

JIM CARREY

There is really no way to describe Elle’s friend JIM CARREY. He’s one of the funniest and most genuine people she knows, and when he’s around, Ellen just can’t stop laughing! He’s on the show today and no one knows what to expect. Also today, Ellen will play one of her favorite games: Blindfolded Musical Chairs! Then, the gorgeous FAITH HILL is coming by to talk about what’s been happening since she was last here. She released a new fragrance, “Faith Hill Parfums.”

She and her husband, Tim McGraw, just celebrated their 13th wedding anniversary. Ellen isn’t surprised they’ve been married so long; he’s a smart guy — Tim told her he doesn’t even bother fighting with her since he knows he’ll lose!

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This Week on The Ellen Show! August 23-27

Monday, August 23
WATCH TO WIN A TV!

Ellen blindfolded him years before she started blindfolding her audience contestants — now TED DANSON is back! He’s on the HBO series “Bored to Death,” but don’t worry, he’s anything but boring! (Last time, he accidentally brought red high heels!) Also, ANNA TORV is on the show for the first time to talk about her show, “Fringe.” There must have been good chemistry on-set for the first season — she married one of her co-stars! Then, one of Ellen’s very favorite musicians, MAXWELL, will be performing. His latest album, “BLACK summers’ night,” is his first in eight years, and this is his first time on the show! If you haven’t heard of him, don’t miss his performance of “Pretty Wings”! He’s incredible!

Tuesday, August 24
DREW BARRYMORE

It seems like DREW BARRYMORE is always doing something new! Most recently, she directed her first movie, “Whip It,” in which she also stars. Drew’s always a fun guest — when she was on the show before, Ellen made her guess the mystery word “mushroom” and it took forever! (We still don’t know why she thought moss was a pizza topping…) Today Ellen will have another fun game ready for her! Then, what does Ellen have in common with four tattooed, motorcycle-riding guys? They all love animals! The incredible group RESCUE INK will be on to talk about the amazing work they do. When these tough guys hear that a pet is being abused, they confront the owner and rescue the animal on the spot! They’re like guardian angels for dogs! Also, Ellen has another group of brave people who will show their embarrassing photos — which means it’s time for Bad Paid-For Photos — Live!

Wednesday, August 25
PAM ANDERSON

Whenever PAMELA ANDERSON is here, Ellen knows something crazy is going to happen! In the past, she’s flipped over the furniture and stripped down to a bikini. Who knows what she’ll do today? One thing we do know — she’ll tell everyone about her perfume, “Malibu.” There are actually two fragrances; one for “elegant nights” and one for “playful days.” Obviously, Ellen wears both. Then, we all know that kids are our future, so today Ellen is giving you a glimpse of our future gadgets when she welcomes some kid inventors. They’ll be showing off their amazing new inventions, so don’t miss it!

Thursday, August 26
ROBERT PATTINSON

Today is the day! He’s finally here, the hottest man on the planet right now — ROBERT PATTINSON! The gorgeous guy has been stealing the hearts of women across the world since he played the vampire Edward in “Twilight.” He is literally being mobbed everywhere he goes. Today he’s coming here and Ellen can’t wait! Also, last year Ellen met a 13-year-old fiddler named JUSTUS RIVERA after Ashton Kutcher tweeted about him. He’s self-taught and plays on the streets of Philadelphia to help support his family. You have to see him to believe it.

Friday, August 27
PENELOPE CRUZ

Ellen loved KRIS ALLEN when he was on “American Idol” last year, and she’s not the only one. A record number of votes were cast and he won. Now, he’s stopping by to perform “Live Like We’re Dying.” If it’s anything like his cover of Kanye’s “Heartless,” you won’t want to miss it! Then, the beautiful Oscar-winning PENELOPE CRUZ is here to chat with Ellen. Last time she was here, Ellen told her she thought Penelope would win the Oscar for “Vicky Christina Barcelona” — and she did. Then Penelope delivered another amazing performance in the movie “Broken Embraces.” Plus, Ellen has another batch of hilarious web videos.

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In case you haven’t been following, last week, radio talk show veteran Dr. Laura Schlessinger used what we’ll call “a racially-charged expletive referring to African Americans” a bunch of times on her show. Then she apologized for it.

But blogging an apology for using the N-word (while giving advice to a black caller on the air) isn’t really enough, right?

Right! Which is why Schlessinger announced on “Larry King Live” last night that she has decided to end her 30-year career in radio. Though she said she’s “not retiring” altogether.

Watch her interview with King below:

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This Week on The Ellen Show! August 16-20

Monday, August 16

FELICITY HUFFMAN

There are a lot of guests on today’s show, and most of them are coming with JACK HANNA! He’ll be here with an amazing assortment of animals: bears, toucans, camels and slow lorises (he may have made up that last one)! You won’t want to miss what he’s bringing today. You’re also not gonna want to miss FELICITY HUFFMAN. The “Desperate Housewives” star is sure to have plenty of housewife drama to talk about! Last time she was here, she told Ellen that she loves to play games, so she’d better be ready for a challenge! Then, the incredible ROGER DALTREY is stopping by. He’s been all over the world with The Who, and recently went on a “Use It or Lose It” tour, and is stopping by to perform “I Can See for Miles“!

Tuesday, August 17

DAVID SPADE

Today Ellen is going to introduce you to a 10-year-old girl who is already making an impact on the world. Her name is ANNABELLE HELD, and she started a dog treat business — but instead of keeping the profits, she donates them to an animal shelter in her hometown of Marietta, Georgia! Then, Ellen’s friend, the hilarious DAVID SPADE, is also doing an amazing thing. He’s been a big supporter of firefighters here in L.A., and to thank them for their hard work, he invited hundreds of firefighters to a free comedy show. He’ll be here to share more about this really cool event. Also, JOHN C. REILLY will be here for the first time! Ellen can’t believe he hasn’t been here yet, but today the talented actor will finally chat with her. He’s been in some of the best movies, like “Chicago,” “Gangs of New York” and “The Hours.” And, if you haven’t heard MIKA, you’ll want to see him on today’s show. He’s from London, and after his first album he was compared with Freddie Mercury, Elton John and Prince. He released his second album, “The Boy Who Knew Too Much,” and will perform his hit “Blame It on the Girls.”

Wednesday, August 18

DAKOTA FANNING

Ellen has been watching DAKOTA FANNING grow into a beautiful young woman over the years, and Ellen feels like she’s responsible for Dakota’s success. Dakota once played a younger version of Ellen on her sitcom — and she’s been in one of the biggest movies of the year, “The Twilight Saga: New Moon.” She gets to work with Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner… we’re sure she’ll thank Ellen when she’s on the show today. Then, Ellen has more huge surprises for her home viewers — you won’t want to miss what she’s got planned for today! Also Ellen will make sure to tweet SEAN “DIDDY COMBS before he arrives. He was the one who introduced her to Twitter — and now she has almost 5 million followers! Ellen once made him try to identify his Ciroc Vodka in a blind taste test. He got drunk. He still got it right though. Now they’ve introduced Ciroc Coconut and Ciroc Red Berry — Ellen just might make him taste test both flavors.

Thursday, August 19

JON HAMM

Today Ellen is surprising one lucky viewer with a massive surprise: a trip to L.A. to see the show, and a brand new GMC Terrain! Then, you won’t want to take your eyes off the screen when the sexy JON HAMM is here. You can buy Jon for yourself; this summer, Barbie released a doll based on his character from “Mad Men!” Also, Ellen did it again: she predicted the latest Bachelorette! ALI FEDOTOWSKY is stopping by to share some of the details. And the amazing NATASHA BEDINGFIELD is here. She’s releasing her new album soon, but today she’s giving everyone a preview when she sings one her songs, “Touch.”

Friday, August 20

MARTIN SHORT

Ellen has only the best today, and it’s a show you don’t want to miss! First, Ellen welcomes one of the funniest guys around — MARTIN SHORT! He created some of the most memorable moments on “Saturday Night Live,” and is back on TV with a role on “Damages.” Then, legendary film producer JERRY WEINTRAUB has been working in entertainment for over 50 years — and he sure has a lot of stories. He’s sharing the best of them in his new memoir, “When I Stop Talking, You’ll Know I’m Dead,” and will stop by to tell Ellen all about it. Also, country star GRETCHEN WILSON will perform her song “Work Hard, Play Harder.” And you never know who else will drop by today!

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Photo: Vogue Italia

View the Magazine Cover CLICK HERE!

We are posting this closer examination of the “Water & Oil” editorial, inspired by the environmental disaster in the Gulf of Mexico, we were unsettled by the controversial and haunting images, shot by Steven Meisel, that show model Kristen McMenamy strewn across the rocks like the injured animals we’ve seen in the news.

There’s no denying that these images from the oil spill editorial in Vogue Italia‘s August 2010 issue are beautiful. The 24 pages of Kristen McMenamy, shot by Steven Meisel, are realistic interpretations of images of injured, oiled animals that have inundated the news media since the Deepwater Horizon explosion in April. As beautiful and provocative as they are, we can’t help but feel uneasy. Creating beauty and glamour out of tragedy seems quite fucked up to us, not to mention wasteful and hypocritical, seeing as thousands of dollars of luxury clothing was flown in, and then subsequently ruined for the shoot. Glamorizing this recent ecological and social disaster for the sake of “fashion” reduces the tragic event to nothing more than attention-grabbing newsstand fodder. But that’s just us. Do you think this is appropriate commentary, or just tasteless?

Please help out. Here are 5 useful ways to support the gulf oil spill relief.

Pick up a Kenneth Cole Tee to help with oil spill clean up.

Check out places in N.Y. to donate your hair to make oil clean-up booms.

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USB Microphone and Music Interface for the Mac

Singer/Songwriter Rachel Geller records her song “Blue” entirely with ONE and her laptop at Apogee’s Berkeley Street Studios. Being affordable, high-quality and easy-to-use, Apogee’s ONE has proved to be the missing link for Rachel between receiving and sending finished tracks to her producers in the most efficient way.

Trained in both classical voice and guitar, Rachel’s inspiration derives from early twentieth-century jazz, blues, hip-hop, and Russian folk music. She has performed extensively in the midwest and west coast both as a solo artist and with a band. She has shared the stage with notable musicians such as: Matisyahu, Dead Prez, PM Dawn, and Living Legends, among many others. According to the Minneapolis Arts & Entertainment magazine, Vitamin: “Rachel entices eyes with her charm and captivates ears as her voice elegantly bounces through the room.”

Listen to more music by Rachel Geller at www.myspace.com/rachelgellermusic.

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This Week on The Ellen Show! August 9-13

Monday, August 9
SCARLETT JOHANSSON

Every day is a celebration for Ellen, especially today! You never know what will happen! She loves surprising her audience with amazing gifts and huge prizes, and today is no exception. Then, you never know what the beautiful SCARLETT JOHANSSON is doing next. Just a few months ago, she stopped by with an amazing singing performance, then she starred in the huge summer movie, “Iron Man 2.” She played a tough and sexy superhero — and did all her own stunts! She might even have a few moves to teach Ellen! Plus, the extraordinary MELISSA ETHERIDGE released a brand new album and is making a rare talk show stop right here with Ellen! She’ll give an unbelievable performance of her hit song, “Fearless Love.” Also, Ellen introduces you to another amazing web star that you’ve gotta see — on today’s Wonderful Web of Wonderment!

Tuesday, August 10
JENNIFER GARNER

It’s been four years since she’s been on the show, now JENNIFER GARNER is back! Last time, she was pregnant with her first child, now she and her husband Ben Affleck have two little girls! And if motherhood weren’t keeping her busy enough, Jennifer was in the movie, “The Invention of Lying.” Then, if you saw Ellen’s TBS special last year, you saw the absolutely hilarious comedian JOE WONG. (And if you didn’t see her TBS special — how dare you!) He was so great, she’s bringing him on the show today and you’ve got to see him! Ellen also has Scottish musician PAOLO NUTINI on the show. He’ll be performing the hit song “Candy” from his latest album, “Sunny Side Up.”

Wednesday, August 11
COURTENEY COX ARQUETTE

Ellen’s good friend COURTENEY COX ARQUETTE is on the show today! Last time, Courteney told Ellen she didn’t have any stories to share, but we’re sure she’ll have plenty to talk about with her show “Cougar Town”! She’s one of the few people who embrace their age rather than lie about it. Speaking of lies, RICKY GERVAIS is starring in the new movie, “The Invention of Lying.” The hilarious British comedian will be on the show for the first time! (It’s true… we swear!) Also, if you haven’t heard of JESSIE JAMES, you will soon! She’s being compared to Christina Aguilera and Carrie Underwood, but you can decide for yourself when she performs the song “Wanted” from her album.

Thursday, August 12
JIMMY SMITS

Some of Ellen’s favorite guests are stopping by today! First, JIMMY SMITS is here to tell her about his PBS documentary, “Latin Music USA.” He’s excited about going to the White House for a concert honoring Hispanic music! Then, Ellen’s good friend T.R. KNIGHT is coming by. It’s been two years since he was last on and a lot has changed for him. He left “Grey’s Anatomy” and performed in the stage musical “Parade.” Ellen can’t wait to hear about it! Also, back when Chris Daughtry was on “American Idol,” Ellen knew he was going to be a big star. Even though he was voted off early, he formed his band DAUGHTRY and is huge! Now they’re here to perform “Life After You” from their CD, “Leave This Town.” And since Ellen likes her groceries to be quadruple-bagged, she has plenty of paper bags lying around. That means it’s a perfect time to play one of her newest games, “I’m Going to Rip Your Face Off!”

Friday, August 13
HILARY DUFF

Ellen recently showed you a hilarious video of a girl recovering from dental surgery — she was a little loopy from the medication! Her name is Hannah and she had no idea her sister put it online, and she became an internet sensation! Today the two are here to tell the real story! And that may have been a bad video for Hannah, but she’ll be in good company today when a group of audience members show off their hilarious Bad Paid-for Photos! Then, ANDREW GARCIA was a favorite on “Idol” from the beginning, but eventually he was voted off. He’s stopping by today for one last performance. Plus, the world first got to know HILARY DUFF as a young Disney star. Now she’s become a beautiful young woman, and recently starred in the ABC Family movie “Beauty and the Briefcase.” She’s stopping by to tell Ellen what it’s been like growing up in the spotlight — and staying out of trouble. And ALAN JACKSON is one of the biggest country musicians. He’ll be visiting Ellen for the very first time today and will perform his single, “Just That Way.”

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A pregnant woman glows…..so you can see her coming and get out of the way! Pregnancy is like a journey into the Twilight Zone it starts out gradually, but as it takes over it leaves you wondering…..”Where did I lose control?”

For example, in the first trimester you may feel a little nauseous on your way to work. Next thing you know you’re being pulled over for throwing up out the window doing 85 (not that this has ever happened to me!)

As the months progress, your once firm tummy continues to expand until you no longer know what pair of shoes you’re wearing. By the ninth month everything is swollen including your husbands arm where you’ve punched him for the last 7. Lastly, to your horror, you find that the weight is not “all baby,” but has been evenly distributed to your best assets.

And if the physical affects aren’t enough… the emotional ones will cause even Braveheart to tremble
as we suddenly become, “Cybil” and develop more personalities than Tiger Woods has women.

And a piece of advice for the husbands new to this deal: “Everything you say can, and will be used against you.”

I once encountered a woman who loved every minute of pregnancy. She was admitted to the psychiatric ward ….for observation.

-Excerpt from my column Reality Check

Di Viola – About the Author
Author of “The Trouble With Women” and the column, “Reality Check”

Visit http://southernladiesbusiness.com

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This Week on The Ellen Show! August 1-6

Monday, August 2
AMY POEHLER

Ellen loves AMY POEHLER so much, Amy was here for Ellen’s birthday show last year! Ellen can’t stop laughing whenever Amy is around. Her show Parks & Recreation is hilarious, and she’s sure to bring some stories about it. Amy’s son, Archie, is now one, and Ellen is getting all the details from his birthday! Then, you know the funny FRAN DRESCHER from The Nanny… Now she’s started her own all-natural skincare line and will be bringing it to show Ellen. As a cancer survivor, Fran is donating a portion of the proceeds to her Cancer Shmancer Foundation. Also, Ellen is playing biggest game of the year! That’s right, it’s Know or Go!

Tuesday, August 3
GEORGE LOPEZ
Today Ellen has a huge surprise for one of her viewers! She’s having a hard time and Ellen has something life-changing planned for her! You won’t want to miss it. Then, Ellen recently got a new neighbor on the Warner Brothers lot. The very funny GEORGE LOPEZ is taping his TBS late-night talk show Lopez Tonight — and Ellen is going to make sure he knows what he’s doing! He’s already made some great decisions — his very first guest was Ellen. Smart man. Then, after making herself known in The Princess Bride and Forrest Gump, ROBIN WRIGHT took time off to raise her kids. Now she’s back in full force, starring in several movies, and stopping by to visit Ellen today.

Wednesday, August 4
JENNY MCCARTHY
Ellen had so much fun during her O Magazine photo shoot with Oprah, and today she has some exclusive footage from their day. Then, Ellen’s friend and poker buddy JENNY MCCARTHY is always up for a fun time. Jenny may be notorious for her edgy personality, but she’s also an extremely devoted mother and will tell me all about her new educational DVDs for kids,Teach2Talk. Also, you know Ellen loves everything about, So You Think You Can Dance, including the wonderful CAT DEELEY. She’s here today and they’re gonna talk about everything that’s happened. She’s never danced on the show before, so maybe she’ll show us a few moves here!

Thursday, August 5
DWAYNE JOHNSON
You won’t believe the voice of 12-year-old RHAP SALAZAR. Ellen saw a YouTube video of his singing and it blew her away. She’s flying him in all the way from the Philippines. Then, Ellen has helped DWAYNE JOHNSON get over his fear of tarantulas, and last time they worked on his fear of roller coasters. When he’s here to talk about his movie;Planet 51,she’ll see if there’s anything else we can work on. Just call her Dr. Ellen. Also, with the amount that BRIAN WILLIAMS travels the world while hosting NBC Nightly News, Ellen is thrilled that he’s taking the time to be on the show today. He is a funny guy and it’s always great to have him here. Ellen heard he’s a fan of pranks, too. Will he still be a fan if the prank is on him? There’s only one way to find out! Also, you never know who else may drop by the show today, so don’t miss it!

Friday, August 6
JON BON JOVI
Ellen always thought she was good at Ping-Pong… until she saw a YouTube video of XIN-XUE FENG. Xin-Xue is absolutely amazing, and she’s only 7 years old! Ellen was so impressed with her that she’s flying her all the way from China to be here. It’ll be Xin-Xue’s first time on TV. Also, for over 25 years BON JOVI has been one of the top rock bands, selling over 120 million albums — and they proved that they’ve still got it with their album;The Circle; Now they’re on the show to perform their new song;We Weren’t Born to Follow, and Ellen will try to convince them to play one of their classics, too. Ellen will also get a chance to chat with Jon Bon Jovi. Then, KELLY OSBOURNE AND LOUIS VAN AMSTEL made it all the way to the finals of ;Dancing with the Stars! Kelly will share all about her unexpected, life-changing experience, and of course, they’ll perform a dance.

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